You, Me...Life.

Three years ago on Friday, this guy asked me if we could talk one afternoon. I didn’t know him all that well, really. We were in Virginia, at a training to prepare us to go overseas and work. He was headed to South America. I was headed to North Africa. There were a lot of people our age at the training and with such different destinations, we weren’t around each other much. Nonetheless, after dinner, this guy and I walked to a swing set (centrally located, I mean I don’t know this guy, right?) and he began to express that he had feelings for me (the good kind) and had had them for some time. He wanted us to get to know each other and see where it went.

I just sort of stared at him, kept swinging on my seriously child-sized swing, and thought about it.

On one hand, this was weird. I mean WEIRD. He was a wonderful guy –that was clear, but we didn’t really know each other. And in exactly 10 days we would leave said training center and go to different continents for the duration of our two year terms. Two years. 10 days. And did I mention the different continent thing? Yeah. Who does that?

On the other hand, I had felt very clearly in the months leading up to this day that I wasn’t going to just date to date anymore. I was sick of guys who didn’t know what they wanted. I was confident that the Lord had someone for me who would know what he wanted. He would be able to discern his feelings and tell me. Then and only then would I take him seriously. (SIDE NOTE everyone thought I was crazy for thinking this… I mean what guy would do that? Plunge forward into relationship wilds with no hope of a returning of feelings?)

So I told him that we could get to know each other.

And now we’re married. The end.

There’s actually a lot in between, but I’ll save that for another day.

For now, I’m so thankful. That he was a man who knew what he wanted and knew what his heavenly Father was telling him and was willing to move forward in confidence. And then for being utterly lovely ever since. I love him a lot. As in a WHOLE lot.

He might as well have come with a note attached to his sleeve that read "Dear Sue, You're welcome. Love, God"

Happy three years Graham.

Just call me...indecisive. That's for sure.

Decisions have never come easily for me. Let's just be honest...if you have ever lived with me, been a close friend to me, or eaten at a sit down restaurant with a large menu with me, you know this.

In Africa, the decisions coming my way were of a different sort than I was used to, and oddly enough, I was relatively good at making them. Rickshaw or Walk? Check the temperature. Over 100, rickshaw. Under, uh, rickshaw. Bring the satellite phone or leave it? Bring it- you never know when this place is going to explode. Moullah Bamia (okra stew) or chicken kabob? C'mon.

Ironically, when life and survival weren't quite so easy, choices became much clearer.

And yet, here I am back in the land of opportunity and plagued with the same chronic indecision I suffered from before. Cutting off options by making a decision is more difficult when the alternatives are more pallatible than okra strew and walking in 110 degree weather. Where to work? What to study? How to spend my time? How to spend my money! Should I go to grad school or go back to teaching?

So I am struggling through them as before, but this time it's a bit different. I have another half to make decisions with. His name is Graham. And we're getting married in like 18ish days (January 1). He wants me to be me more than even I want me to be me. Somehow that makes me want to be me very badly.

And it turns out Jesus wants that too. Don't misunderstand, I'm not advocating a narcissistic mentality of "getting yours" at the expense of others- or even prioritizing MY STORY over the rather amazing story that is and was unfolded in the Gospel. Quite the opposite. It turns out that Jesus made me to FIT quite nicely into his already unfolding story of hope. So I'm asking him to continue to dredge and clean up those parts of me that do no one any good (there are many) and help me fight for the parts that he put in me "special order".

So while this realization has not yet made my grad school choice or revealed my ultimate calling, I am confident of two things: 91) when God set up marriage- that was on purpose. We need each other. It'll probably be stinky sometimes, dating is sometimes when one or both of us gets lost in ourselves. But I wouldn't go back. And I'm thankful to be Graham's biggest fan and know that he's mine. And (2) The Lord will show me, and it'll come together. It always does. I decided the whole "man I'm going to marry" thing AND lunch today at O'Charley's so I bet grad school and life calling are right around the corner.

She's Back!

THAT'S right folks...she's back. Only this time she's bigger, back in America, and better than ever.

Or something like that.

I am back in America. I live in North Carolina now. It's quite a change from life overseas in a place like Africa. I am also engaged. Mind blowing, I know. Well, that's not entirely true, mostly likely as those who read my blog are probably people who would know that already- considering that my two dedicated readers are my fiance and my mom. Thanks guys!

Anyway, life may not be exciting in the same ways, but it is what it is and I'm thankful to write about it. Ironic that it's been almost a year exactly since I last wrote- the Autumn Backdrop still works!

Wedding: three months from today.

Lovely, now and then.

Life here can be frustrating. Most days I react to this fact with, well, frustration. I bite my lip and take deep breaths and try not to cuss people out for the ineptitude and general uselessness that is sometimes demonstrated. The generator repair man who doesn’t notice the glaring error in not reattaching the fuel line. The guard who decides to take some “me time” in the middle of the afternoon to wash his clothes, in our house, with our soap, when he should be, uh, guarding. Going back to the offices of the aid commission for the 17th time for a task that should have been completed in one visit.

And yet there are those days in the middle, that somehow the frustrating elements to daily life turn into amusing and almost lovely displays of randomness. We were attempting to get my country director and two volunteers out of our area on the UN flight the same day the arrived on a heli from the village- so it was a matter of exact timing and planning (neither of which have any place in the general vicinity of anywhere close to here)…so we had the guard call for a taxi and decided that we’d all go to try to catch them before they left to say goodbye and hand over last minute paperwork to be sent to the capital. Our national logistics worker piled in the little hatchback taxi, I crawled into the middle, and my roommate took the other side. One of the workers from the field in town on rest clambered into the front. The dilapidated taxi groaned and sputtered as it pulled away from our compound on the pitted dirt road- bottoming out at least twice on the huge holes before hitting the tarmac road. And so we creeped down the road and up over the mountain to the airport- our little rag tag family on an outing. It should have irked me that we still don’t have a car or that we were running around when I had work to do in the office, but, strangely, it didn’t. I found myself smiling a little as I stared out the window into the desert around me- the scrubby trees and bushes still green from the rainy season passed and the people on donkeys with loads of dried palm branches piled so high you wondered how the poor animal kept his balance. And it felt right. Good. Andrew Bird’s Scythian Empire kept playing in my head (random I know) and I was delighted- to be here in this strange and frustrating place with these sometimes strange and frustrating people in this horrid taxi at this moment.

I’m sure it had something to do with hot season winding down and sweat NOT rolling down my back like it usually does in situations like that one.

But mostly I was just thankful to have made it his far. And thankful that Jesus helps me push through the lip biting moments to the joy waiting on the other side.

Current Playlist:

Andrew Bird: “fingerlings”- the entire album is lovely but Scythian Empire, Dark Matter are quite excellent in my opinion.
Frou Frou: “It’s good to be in love”
Chris Tomlin: “God of this city”
Regina Specktor: “On the Radio”
Duffy: “Mercy”
Sanctus Real: “Face of Love”
Jason Upton: “I will wait for you”

This just in...

Last year around this time, I hopped on a crazy ghetto domestic flight from the city I live in now to the capital, dropped off my things, and went to pick up my mom at the fancy international terminal (imagine crystal-ish chandeliers, air conditioning, and duty free shops 20 feet away from the dust and heat of the city- still astounds me with its randomness). It had been seven months since I had seen anyone from home and I will never forget peering through the grimey glass windows and seeing her little curly head and purple jumper power walking through the customs line to get to the exit. I had a volunteer from the states and my boss with me to help with her things (she brought four bags of American goodness), but there was that moment of unbelievable stillness, almost to the point of surreal, when I realized she was truly here- and she was here for me.

I dragged her around the city for the next two weeks: we cooked and laughed and bickered and watched movies and went through the glorious array of things she had brought from America (Bacon! Pepperoni! Tortillas!) . She in turn organized my kitchen, scoured the market (with me lagging slightly behind, her stamina is incredible) for material for curtains, sewed, bought me random African Tupperware, and generally dazzled my friends, colleagues and whoever she met with her southern charm.

She was, is, wonderful. Perhaps you'll meet her one day and say the same.

The reality of it...

When I began this blog a rather long time ago I had intended to carefully chronicle my time overseas- adding a delightful anecdote here, a heart-wrenching story there, and general wonderment throughout.

As you can see, this has not been the outcome.

I find I apologize more for NOT blogging than actual blog anything of substance.

So here I am, less than three months left here of what was to be two years of successful storying and very little show for it in the world on online record keeping but I am only a little sad, really. It’s been a bit busy around here.

Perhaps one day I’ll be a faithful blogmeister who thrills in updating this thing in a quality effort to keep the people in her life updated if they care to be. Until that day, we’ll just keep going. The two of you who read this and me.

I wonder what America will do to my writing habits. We find out soon enough!

The countdown:

10 days until my dad arrives
18 days until Thanksgiving (my favorite food day of the year: Turkey Dinner!)
47 days until Christmas
(something like) 80 days of contract remaining…and everything that comes with it.

It’s hard to believe most days. Some days it’s not hard at all.

I would like to write an emotional summary of the time I’ve spent here, how hard it will be to leave and say goodbye to all that has happened, all that I’ve seen, and how it’s changed my life. All those things are true…but I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet. Maybe in a little while. Or after a few weeks of staring at an ocean or a forest in America and letting it all settle in and sort a bit.

Until then…know I’m alive. And growing.

since april....

Since it has been since April since I last updated this (I know, I know- no one cares)...I thought a numbers list was in order to catch up...


Number of times my guard called me outside to see the three tiniest cutest kittens I'd ever seen...1
Number of times I thought it would be great to show my roommates inside the compound a kitten...1
Number of times I corralled said kittens with the help of my guard and picked on up...1
Number of times the kitten I did catch bit me with a vengeance...1
Number of times I have contemplated where I went wrong in the decision making process...12560
Number of rabies shots given as a result of kitten bite...2
Number of times I have been reminded by others of the above experience when commenting on the cuteness of street animals I pass...4
Number of animals other than my own that I have touched since...0
Number of visits to America in June...1
Number of times I visited Chic-fil-A in that time...4
Number of times I was reminded of how great my friends and family at home are...103
Number of times I questioned the rightness of coming back to Africa...0
Number of planned trips to Ethiopia that leave tomorrow...1
Number of days I will be out of country...16
Number of countries I will visit...2 (ethiopia and zambia)
Number of wonders of the world I will witness...1 (Victoria Falls)
Number of old friends I will see...4 (Hey Helgrens!)
Number of new little friends I will meet...1 (Yay Lauren!)
Number of times I will think of you all...568 (at least)